If you would have asked me as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up, “scientist” was not a part of my vocabulary. As a matter of fact, it was not a part of my vocabulary until my junior year in college.
I fell in love with the idea of being a scientist and decided that is what I wanted to be. And I realized, that there are so many young women like me who lack this word in their vocabulary that it inspired me to blog my journey to discovery. I blogged about moving, some work that I did in lab, the life I had as a scientist etc. All of this to humanize the word and make it seem less foreign and achievable.
Throughout my journey there have been some ups and downs. Recently, as I sit at home during the CoVID19 shutdown, I am looking through my own blog and I realize it has been months since I last blogged and almost a year since I last blogged about my scientific journey.
We are started the 5th week of the shutdown here in Dallas, and I’ve had some time to think about my journey.
“What happened?” “Why did I stop blogging?”
It comes down to two words. Passion and inspire.
Like I mentioned earlier, I started blogging because I was so in love with what I was doing and discovering that I wanted to share my passion and along the way I wanted to inspire someone. However, over the last year, I find myself lacking passion, motivation, and excitement.
I can’t help but wonder, “what happened?” “where did I miss a step?” “was my passion not strong enough?” “I not cut out for this!” “what’s wrong with me” “I guess I really shouldn’t have been here in the first place” “here I go failing again!”
As I talk to my peers, many of them are upset that they can’t go into lab for experiments. Or that they have limited time in lab. But I can’t help but enjoy this time at home myself. It feels good to not be in lab 7 days a week or being able to bake and have hobbies.
All the while, I am feeling guilty as hell for enjoying this time… Seriously, what is wrong with me?
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